First and before anything, due to the sedimentation of this issue, I
would like to make clear that I’ve got conscience that common sense bases do no
provide conditions to wonder about this argument. In the meantime,
I truly hope one can take it as an idea, or at least as an inspiration.
Said that…
Here in England, we have started to see TV ads about some internet sites
where you can create a personal profile that can be matched across other
compatible ones through automatic search, so it can find you a perfect date.
One of these ads even has a catch phrase that it says: ‘being single is amazing
so if you want to give up this life it’s got to be for the perfect person’.
More or less that.
Then, it reminded me a coffee I had with a same age of mine friend some
time ago when she was telling me she had met a guy in a pub to whom, after a
couple of diners, she finally had sex for the first time and also for last one.
Even though the words used by her to describe him was ‘he was a nice guy’, the
sentence was followed right the way by the expected ‘but’. In this case to
reveal that he had a small penis. She thought that in a day after day basis
kind of living it could raise some issue regarding… satisfaction.
Values and judgements apart, what really popped up as evident for me was
the huge amount of extra pressure upon the already hard task of finding
someone. In fact, as for most of the people monogamy is mandatory. Sex plays
an enormous part in this searching as much as it causes a large shadow over the
crusades for a relationship.
Being in a relationship is being in a constant trading between the
unique universe of this two people, between distinct pasts and experiences, as
much as all that come along with it. Plus, seeking sexual satisfaction of one
with another. It all seems to me very dangerous and explosive! As it wasn’t
enough all the organization and structure issues that two strangers have to
balance to live together, plus the physique dramas – ‘you don’t see me’ or ‘you don’t listen to
me’, there is also the biorhythm and the sexual appetite of each one to
conjugate!
Perhaps, sex is the biggest taboo faced by every person. An ocean of
contradicted emotions running free from a conscience, varying from a romantic
embrace to a mere reaching of an orgasm or yet, all can start with a French
kisses and end up with the most primary frictions either sadistic or masochist.
Considering that two people have to deal with how they see and feel the
external world, as they grow old, having to face over and over again the need
to change, to re-adapt to their internal world, which obviously affects how they
feel and understand satisfaction, I must say: it all seems a huge endless
battle of interests.
People live sex in a variety of ways. Yet, regarding such taboo, it is
an issue always outlined when we are defining our predicates. Do you get it?
What I mean is, when we are chatting, we say I love travelling or I like
playing football or I am an engineer, so far so on. But it is required lots of
champagne cocktail among a very small selected group of friends, in a lower ton
of voice, in order to almost to confess if we prefer to be on top or on the
bottom, or if we enjoy it more rough or gently,
anyway.
Meanwhile, along the day, we are involuntarily bombed by sexual
stimulation and response! Notice: what we wear and how we do take care of our
look are indeed the rules of this ‘game’. We do have our attention stolen when
a good looking person crosses our path and sometimes all it takes is a
fragrance. Not mentioning the innuendos! Quite surely often in conversations,
someone, at a certain point, brought it on, spur the ‘filthy pig’ sex in! Freud
truly got some around…
So, imagine one around its 40’s today who got married at its 30’s and
finally is finding him/herself sexually. I mean, its own rhythm, what really
turns him/her on, what truly gives to its life an organic balance. Now, add the
spouse in the picture, who either found its own interests but in opposite way
or yet, haven’t found at all. Locked in a life surrounded by a taboo that keeps
sexual behaviour outside their conversations, what are the odds to a couple
saving its family in a medium long term?
The thought of two people, who assumed a commitment for life, after nine
or thirteen years have sex to each other not because they are feeling attracted
but because they have no option, as hormones do not understand arrangements, is
terrifying! It is a legal passive mutilation to its own spirit and much more!
There is something quite subversive in this, as in my point of view, the whole
mechanics of this turns the wonders of the ‘Empire of Senses’, which is making
love to someone, into a ‘Deep Thought’, a mere genital experience, the same
most everybody around condemns in a life of a single one. That pig!
Having sex works as an energetic repository to our bodies. There are
‘zilions’ of articles through internet showing researches results revealing its
benefits, as much as the consequences of the lack of it.
On the top of everything, people are not used to really think or
listening to themselves and much less to others. Sooner, in a relationship
cycle, complaints will get started followed by a despair leaded by a thin sense
of misunderstood or not being well seen, culminating in only one normal common
conclusion: The spouse is guilty.
Readers, questioning monogamy is not promoting orgies or promiscuous sex
behaviour, but only a revaluation of how we see things and how they truly
impact our lives at the present and perhaps, break up a taboo.
That has been my eternal fight against to this static-archaic-Victorian
view. In a long term perspective, it does more harm than good to those who
swore to be together for life. When a value or a vow lapidates, locks in, or
modulates an incontrollable and involuntary energy causing profound
disinterest, and sometimes even a burden, forcing such endeavour to two no more
compatible souls to keep a physical act, costing their inner happiness, they
are cursed to risk keeping their partnership only wasting what can come out of
that.
Sex for… humans is vital to mental balance and it doesn’t have to be
synchronized to any emotion but only sensations. Flirting, attraction, and
‘quick ones’ do make us feel alive, young, and healthy. It is simple as that
and it is just not right to keep questioning its functionality by arguing that
it belongs to more animal side of our nature, like opposing the fact we do have
a conscience, which was supposed to take care of it. But the thing is that one
does not invalidate the other, in fact, one improves how to use the other ;).
Monogamy should be a state of mind and it is a beautiful one and I even
dare to say that most of people wishes this state lasts forever and for me, if
does, great! Fireworks! As long as everybody is happy and psychologically
balanced, cool. The problem for me is that society has clearly been living
lies. The percentage of people having extra conjugal affairs is high! The
percentage of man married over 15 years having erectile dysfunction is also
high. No one wants to live merged into lies or sleeping next someone we no
longer fully trust. If monogamy makes you lie in order to not lose the things
you really treasure, then it cannot be good at all. Besides, a lie put on
perspective all which has been true.
All I know is there are lots of families where you can see real love
falling apart for an idea. Two people crossing life together for years and
years facing huge challenges, conquering amazing levels, sharing so many
truthful emotions but half-blinded like a gothic old construction which all the
arcades are strategically supported over one point.
The modern man has new problems and lives longer so he needs to labour
more. However, he does not seem to fully understand his nature, his era, his
generation and much less the point of evolution he is in history itself.
You, loving is one thing and having sex is another. They do not demand a
synchronized event but when combined is amazing! Individually, even better and
full of particular different interests! Think about it, talk about it, and do
questions, researching, make theories up, whatever that can rip off with the
‘syphilization’ culture left upon us. After all, there are lots of antibiotics
for that!
I wish you all a have nice week free from taboos.
Eduardo Divério.
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